Freydis bowed before the goblin girls. "I am pleased to meet you. My name is Freydis Cook. My father owns the Lute and Pillage Tavern in Grymwald."

"An outsider and a commoner!" exclaimed Hobnette Dustbitter. "Foolish girl! I know you're only after the hand of Prince Gnarlo."

The goblin prince was taller than most, standing just over four feet, with a mop of dark emo hair. His dark green nose was exceptionally large.

"No," said Freydis, "you can keep him."

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"Here at Wyrmhaven Deep's Elite Magic Academy," said the goblin magical professor, "students devote themselves to the study of magic. As everyone knows, magic has four attributes...."

Freydis Cook raised her hand. "Wind, fire, earth and water?"

The goblin scoffed. "You speak of human magic. No, the four attributes of goblin magic are: slime, charcoal, miasma, and Wylbor's Wonderful Wing Sauce."

The girl frowned. "Wing sauce?"

"'Tis the spiciest of the four magics!"

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"Every student," said the instructor, "must have their magical aptitude tested. Please place your hand upon the magic palantir."

Freydis placed her hand on the wet and clammy ball, made of green slime. "Ew!"

The ball lit brightly in two colors. The instructor gasped. "Why, you've scored the highest I have ever seen," he said. "What's more, you have mastery of not one but two magical aspects - miasma magic, and wing sauce magic!"

Freydis sighed. "I'd much prefer wind and fire...."

Freydis Cook watched as First Prince Gnarlo Gravelfoot hatched a Miasma Beetle familiar. Next was Second Prince Grimace Gravelfoot, who hatched a Slime Bat.

Freydis approached her egg with trepidation. "Would it be too much," she asked, "for a small dragon or pegasus?"

Hobnette laughed like only a villainess could. "Foolish child! Such creatures are not found within goblin magic!"

The egg cracked. Everyone gasped.

"A Winged Sauce Rat! That's very rare!"

Freydis sighed.

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Every outsider girl at a magic academy makes at least one new friend, and so Freydis Cook, the only human at the goblin-run Wyrmhaven Deep Elite Magic Academy was befriended by Moldessa, a goblin girl.

"Every girl wants to wed one of the three princes," said Moldessa. "There's First Prince Gnarlo, Second Prince Grimace, and Third Prince Grungeo - the cute one! Those are the capture targets!"

Freydis rolled her eyes. "If I'm being honest," she said, "I'd rather catch a cold."

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At the end of the day, Freydis Cook came home and flopped onto the couch.

"How was your first day at the magic academy?" asked her father.

The girl grimaced. "Terrible! I hate that place! Why can't I go to a different school?"

"Wyrmhaven Deep Elite Magical Academy is the only school of it's kind in the area," said her father. "I'm sure you'll get used to it."

"Fat chance!" the girl retorted. "Maybe we should move to a nicer place. Mordor, for example...."

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"I wish," said Moldessa, "that I knew Slime magic. Then I could help you as support."

"How so?" asked Freydis Cook.

"Slime magic provides good support for Wing Sauce magic," said Moldessa, "because slime helps spread sauce all around."

Freydis made a face. "This magic system is nauseating."

"But you're so good at it, Freydis! Everyone calls you the Queen of Wing Sauce!"

Freydis buried her head in her hands.

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"Come on, Freydis!" exclaimed Moldessa. "Knowing which magics complement each other and which oppose each other is important! This will be on our test!"

"But it makes no sense at all," complained Freydis Cook. "Why would Wing Sauce magic oppose Miasma magic, anyway? How are they natural opposites?"

"Well," said Modessa, "both magics have very strong odors which do not mix well...."

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"Your familiar is so cute!" Moldessa exclaimed. "I wish I'd gotten a Winged Sauce Rat!"

Freydis made a face. "She's a flying rat that drips sauce everywhere she goes."

"Yes," said Moldessa, "but wing sauce is delicious!"

"She sleeps on my pillow at night. Try waking up every morning soaked in sauce...."

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Caffeteria food is often mocked. Unfortunately, Freydis Cook was the only human at a magic school for goblins. and goblin cuisine presented a unique challenge.

"Grubs in gravy, with musrooms and rat meat?" Freydis made a face, then signaled to her familiar, Spicy Queen. The winged sauce rat flew over the plate and breathed out a stream of orange.

The secret to enjoying goblin cuisine, Freydis had learned, was to drown it in Wylbor's Wonderful Wing Sauce.

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"Well," said Moldessa, "a winged sauce rat is a much better familiar than most. Look at what I've got!"

Moldessa's familiar Stinky was a Miasma Mushroom Mutt. Stinky looked up at them excitedly. He wagged his tail and farted a stench most foul.

Freydis covered her nose. "This, I cannot deny...."

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