"The blood was only ever a means to an end," the vampire confessed in the interview.
"To what end?" the reporter asked.
"Blood carries vigor, life force, vital energy. That's what we feed on."
"So how do you get it, if not through blood?"
"These days, we make doom scrolling apps to drain it."
"My husband complains about the cold," the man said. "Can you teach me a spell to keep him warm?"
"I can teach you to bind hair into a net to catch heat," the wizard said, "using arcane counting and a pair of fine wands."
After a while, the man said "Isn't this knitting?"
"This, too, is magic."
The princess left a note behind, explaining why she ran away.
"She disagrees with what she was taught," the queen said.
"Embroidery and such?" chuckled the king. "Classic."
"It's not needle-work she objects to. She likes that. She rejects the nobility of the nobility, and our right to rule."
I paused, out of breath. The Void had taken all my frustrated screaming and absorbed it.
"I'm sorry," I whispered. "You must have heard all this before, countless times."
'only you,' said the Void, 'scream your frustration like you do'
I took a deep breath to resume, then smiled.
"Thanks."
"You will marry whoever you pick at the Royal Ball," the king told the princess.
"We'll hold another Ball," the king said. "Pick anyone of noble birth."
"We'll hold a third Ball," the king said. "Pick a man of noble birth."
"Wait," the queen said. "Maybe she doesn't even want to marry."
"What?"
The artificer nodded. "I can build this wheeled chair, but why? You have an enchanted hover seat."
"Yes," the wizard fumed, "but the palace have erected magic-cancelling wards."
"Why?"
"Don't know. But they didn't think of people who need mobility aids. So I need wheels to go shout at the king."
"What are you working on?"
I put the soldering iron on its stand and inspected my work.
"A time travel receiver. I figured out the machine can't travel in time itself."
"Do you have a transmitter too?"
I plugged the power in. "Not yet."
A newspaper appeared in the machine.
"I will, next year."
There was a 'womp' sound from the yard. I looked out the window.
Where the large pile of leaves had been, a dragon sat.
"Oi!" I called.
"The hoard was unguarded," the dragon said. "I claim it."
Every damn year. It'll leave once the leaves lose their golden hue. Meanwhile, I can't order takeaway.
