I’ve seen an uptick in talk lately about folks not understanding what boundaries actually mean. Sometimes, a person’s boundaries aren’t being respected and it’s making them very uncomfortable. Sometimes, other people are trying to impose their boundaries on others and it’s making them feel unwelcome. Neither of these are acceptable behaviors. They need to stop.
Taking “No” for an Answer
If someone says no, that means no. It’s absurd that I have to remind adults of that fact. Not everyone’s into everything you are. Even if they are into a thing, that doesn’t mean they want do that thing with you. Just posting a lewd picture isn’t an invitation for creepy comments. Other people or their character(s) aren’t just fap fuel. They’re people, first and foremost. Never forget that.
Yes, physical affection is very common in the furry fandom. However, if someone’s not interested in hugs (or more), that’s their decision to make. Part of being an adult is respecting boundaries and consent. If someone doesn’t consent to being touched, then touching them is assault. So instead of trying to creep on them, respect their boundaries and find someone else to do your thing with.
You’re Into What⁉
On the flip side, other people may have boundaries that are vastly broader than your own. They might be into a thing you don’t understand the appeal of at all. They might even be into a thing that disgusts you. Instead of immediately launching a crusade against them or their fetish, start by asking a simple question: Is anyone being harmed IRL by it? If not, let them do their thing.
Seriously, I mean it. If everyone involved in a thing is an enthusiastically consenting human adult, then let it go. This is especially true if they’re making a reasonable effort to keep it to the intended audience, such as by using a content warning or tagging the contents. Yes, I know FA still doesn’t have filters (unlike almost every other site worth mentioning), but it’s not the kinkster’s fault they can’t do more to help you avoid seeing what you don’t want to see.
To give one often dunked-upon example: The ABDL community. It’s not my kink at all. I’ve filtered out the term on almost every site where it’s an option. However, it’s adults choosing to wear diapers, for whatever reasons they’re into that scene. Their reasons and interest are their business, not yours or mine. There are no minors involved and everyone is consenting. So where’s the harm in it? Because, far as I can tell, there’s no harm at all. Therefore, they should be left to enjoy themselves in peace, without the harassment they tend to get from folks.
In my opinion, directing rage at the people who’re harmlessly exploring “taboo” things isn’t just a waste of energy; it’s a distraction from actual issues. I’d much rather see us, as a community, focus on people actually committing child abuse, rather than yelling at anyone who might, indirectly, approximate something child-like.
Conclusion
When I initially started exploring kink/fetish stuff, I heard one phrase quite a lot: Your kink is not my kink, and that’s okay. If someone doesn’t want to do a thing you’d like, respect their boundaries and take no for an answer. If someone wants to do a thing you don’t like, appreciate their efforts to respect your boundaries and let them do their thing. Doing otherwise makes the community less inclusive and welcoming.
Keep being weird, y’all.
#NSFW #Kink #Consent
