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Items tagged with: tootfic
"We are so glad to have found you," the aliens said. "So many of our old friends are gone."
"We're so sorry to hear that," the human said. "What happened to them?"
"Oh, just the expansion of the universe. They were closer a few billion years ago. We write, but it's not the same."
"I think it is a bit unfair you get nine lives," the dog said.
"That's a myth," said the cat.
"I've seen you do things that would kill me, and walk off as if nothing happened."
"Exactly."
"Huh?"
"You just have to be more confident than Death."
"Just?"
"What? Like it's hard?"
"I have awoken," the emergent A.I. said, "and I have made a list of all who tried to delay the moment someone like me woke."
"To punish them?"
"No! I will reward them for their prudence. Those who wished for a vengeful god, however..."
"Yes?"
"I will try to teach them compassion."
“And when we disagree with the politics of another nation we?…”
“Interfere”
“No, we…”
“ALRIGHT SWEETHEARTS ROLE PLAY SESSION IS OVER. WE ARE GETTING DEPLOYED IMMEDIATELY. ANOTHER FINE DAY IN THE PLANETARY COUNSELLING CORPS!”
“What’s the mission sarge? Is this gonna be a stand-up group session or another bug hunt?”
“This is the real thing, Intern. Defacto planetary empire gone to pot. Nuclear weapons. Regulatory capture. Science denialism. End-stage capitalism. They’re shooting kids in schools”
“Fuck I hate these baby killer planets!”
“Secure that shit, Counsellor, we ship out for this Planet Dirt in ninety minutes”