From Facebook: 🤣 Embarrassing Medical Exams – Doctor Stories You Can’t Make Up
1. The Wrong Cab
A man bursts into the ER shouting, “My wife’s having a baby in the cab!”
I grab my kit, dash outside, fling open a taxi door, lift the woman’s dress, and start pulling off her underwear.
That’s when I realize—there are six cabs lined up.
I was in the wrong one.
— Dr. Mark MacDonald
2. Big Breaths
During rounds, I place my stethoscope on an elderly woman’s chest.
“Big breaths,” I instruct.
She sighs and replies, “Yes… they used to be.”
— Dr. Richard Byrnes
3. The Internal Fart
I had to deliver the worst news: “I’m so sorry. Your husband has passed away from a massive myocardial infarction.”
Minutes later, I overhear her telling the family, “He died of a massive internal fart.”
— Dr. Susan Steinberg
4. The Patch Problem
At a check-up, a man complains about one of his medications.
“Which one?” I ask.
“The patch,” he says. “The nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours. Now I’m running out of places to stick it!”
I ask him to undress.
He has over fifty patches plastered on his body.
(Instructions now clearly say: remove old patch first.)
— Dr. Rebecca St. Clair
5. Bedridden?
While meeting a new elderly patient, I ask gently, “How long have you been bedridden?”
She looks puzzled and says, “Not since my husband died—about 20 years.”
— Dr. Steven Swanson
6. Kentucky Jelly
Checking on a patient one morning, I ask, “How’s breakfast?”
“Good,” he says, “except for the Kentucky Jelly. Can’t get used to the taste.”
Curious, I ask to see it. He hands me a foil packet of KY Jelly.
— Dr. Leonard Kransdorf
7. Keep Off the Grass
A punky young woman comes in with appendicitis—purple Mohawk, tattoos, piercings.
On the operating table, we discover green-dyed pubic hair and a tattoo above it that says: “Keep off the grass.”
After surgery, the surgeon couldn’t resist writing on the bandage: “Sorry… had to mow the lawn.”
— Anonymous RN
8. The Whistling Exam
As a young OB resident, I was embarrassed doing pelvic exams, so I developed a nervous habit—whistling.
One day, mid-exam, a patient bursts out laughing.
Blushing, I ask, “Sorry… did I tickle you?”
Through tears she gasps, “No, doctor… but the song you were whistling was ‘I Wish I Was an Oscar Mayer Wiener.’”
— Name withheld for obvious reasons
9. Baby’s First Visit
At a baby’s first check-up, I ask the mother if he’s breastfed or bottle-fed.
“Breastfed,” she says.
“Alright,” I reply. “Strip down to your waist.”
She complies. I carefully pinch, knead, and examine, then shake my head.
“No wonder this baby’s underweight—you don’t have any milk!”
She calmly replies, “I know. I’m his grandmother. But thanks for checking.”
😂
🔥
Noah T. Carver 👨🏼🦯🇺🇦
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