see a few though I know are just trollfarms tbh
Sure, but should those be immediately defederated completely? Seems like massive overkill to me.
in general this seems to be the case
If you stick to those instances, then sure. If you do not, like me, you'll see it differently. You choose to stay within that narrative now that you know your current instance is part of the problem.
I've seen a lot of backlash about threads joining federation, and the thought of X even federating if they wanted to
I dislike the idea of them federating here, too. The people that come to the #Fediverse do so because they dislike the proprietary platforms and their tactics of manipulation for profit. Getting them here would only lower the quality of discourse on the Fediverse.
you have to pick sides no matter what
You don't, your admins do it for you without you knowing it.
show me one that doesn't block anything but then also doesn't wind up, in itself, getting blocked
This seems like a weak argument. Any instance I might show you, you can just add to any blocklist at that moment just to ensure you're always right. Besides, getting blocked by incompetent power-hungry #Mastodon admins requires no bad intent on the blockee's part, so it holds no meaning to be blocked in itself.
I know my instance is blocked by a few dozen other instances, but that doesn't mean my instance is unusable. On the contrary, the instances that don't block me value free and open discussion of any idea, which means that my experience of the Fediverse is much more wide in opinion than yours can ever be.